People think I'm strong but I'm not..?

I'm your double and have found no real friend - ever. I had a mom who was my only real connection and she's dead. I use to believe the same things about myself. It took me 10 years to complete a bachelor's degree and even with that I felt inferior. Men pretended to love me (for ) and after getting to know me, lost interest and left for greener women or even claimed being single was better than being with me. After 400 men, I realized I need to shut my mouth and love myself because nobody else ever would. Fact is, men in particular only want a mystery woman and when we let men down by exposing too much detail about our inner selves - they want to choke us. So I sought a female companion because I thought women have more compion and interest in my female perspectives. I found most women want to talk about themselves and their problems, but will make any excuse to get off the phone or completely disconnect from the friendship if I try to get equal time sharing my thoughts - as I gave listening to theirs. That taught me, what Jesus called people - sheep, is really true. I see people as dump fish. Tiny brains, big mouths. Searching for whatever fills them, while giving back nothing but crap. They go through life expecting to be loved and loving themselves and believing everyone else, or at least a good amount of people love or really like them, but look at them, they are more obnoxious than my well mannered, well maniquered self. If nobody can love me, who could they really have? Now I can only live to be a good example to my kids (who are all into themeselves - as children will be - and apparently so are most adults). I keep an eye out for mature, responsible adults, but have only my TV set to find some and don't really know any. I'm so lonely and screwed up over by the people in my past - but clearly nobody gives a damb - and I've searched and waited for decades to find a friend. The old adage - to have a friend, you have to be one - well, I'm a true friend to everyone or anyone who confides in me but as soon as I open my mouth about my own - been there-done that - life's experiences - my so called friends - hit the NEXT on. I've finally realized, it's not me, it's not my fault. That's how everyone treats everyone. Humans are lame. I wish God had made me some other species so I could enjoy my own kind.